A Love Denied
by Nighteyes27
Summary: A Tobias/Rachel PWP fic. PG for some mild violence


Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs, KAA and/or Scholastic do, I'm not making any money for this story, etc. However, this story belongs to me.

_A/n: I know this sounds a bit like Forlay's story, Questions, but I swear this is nothing like it! I'm not plagiarizing; I've had this idea bouncing around my head for a while. Anyway, the only similarities are in the beginning._

**_A Love Denied_**

Chapter 1 [Rachel]

Tobias flapped his way into my room, late one night. I felt my affection for him rise. I ruthlessly crushed it. 

I bit my lip. This was going to be harder than I thought.

You needed to talk to me, Rachel? 

"Tobias? I have to talk to you, seriously, for a moment."

What about? he asked solemnly, sensing my sadness.

"Tobias…well….we need to break off this relationship that we have.

"Just hear my thoughts out, for a moment." I held out my hands in the 'stop' gesture when he flapped his wings; I knew he meant to protest.

A void opened in front of me. _Be_ _strong_, I thought to myself.

_But, oh, Lord, this is so hard_! I bit back my tears. I had to be strong. For the both of us.

"First of all, Tobias, I think I need a bit of normalcy right now. I mean, Tobias, "going out" with a boy permanently trapped as a red-tailed hawk is not normal. 

"And, I mean, Tobias, we can't go on dates. We can't grab a movie. We can't have pizza. We can't go to dances. We can't have 'romantic' walks on the beach'.

"We deserve those things, Tobias! I mean, enough is enough."

When I spoke next, my voice was a whisper. "I need more, Tobias."

"Besides, Tobias, you're starting to be a little reckless. I mean, you actually _volunteered_ to be captured by the Yeerks. I'm supposed to be the warrior in the group. The strong one. Do you know how much it would hurt me if you got killed? When, on the day that we discovered David's treachery, when Ax told me that you were dead? I-"

I had to stop for a moment to control my breathing, to take a deep breath, and to control my tears.

"I hope I'm never hurt as bad as that again. Plus, you cheat to go on dangerous missions, to watch my back. I don't need a protector, Tobias. It's over."

He stared at me, inscrutable, for a moment. 

Tears spilled down my cheeks at his next words. Well, Rachel, I guess this is it, huh? You know, for a while, I thought you cared about me. I guess I was wrong. I guess no one can care about a human/Andalite/hawk freak. Goodbye, Rachel. 

"Tobias! Wait!" I called out to him. But he didn't listen, powering off on his hawk wings.

"We can still be friends, right?" I whispered to myself.

Then I collapsed and sobbed, wondering about what I had done.

Wondering if it was the biggest mistake I had ever made.

Chapter 2 [Tobias]

I flew aimlessly over our small town, destination: nowhere.

I couldn't believe Rachel had just "broken off" our relationship! 

I mean, I'd always known that Rachel was "weirded out" by our whole…thing, but I'd never imagined THIS!

Too late, Tobias, I said to myself. I guess you were wrong to believe someone would ever care about you. 

I mean, I had really thought Rachel loved me!

I demorphed and sat down on a park bench. It was fairly early, about nine thirty.

I don't know why I demorphed; I guess I just wanted to cry. And I did.

I wasn't really concerned about being mugged or anything like that. If there was trouble, I could always just demorph.

"What's wrong?" a voice asked me. I started.

"Who's there?" I asked suspiciously, already feeling the adrenaline, the human fight-or-flight instinct.

"Just me." A tall, black-haired girl about my age, with light blue eyes came into view.

I stared at her, speechless. You see, her eyes were the color of an iced-over river. A shade lighter and they would have been almost white, but at this shade, they were piercing, mesmerizing. They seemed to look at me, look at all my secrets, bore holes through me. Then, I abruptly realized that I was staring at her.

"Sorry," I said, looking immediately downwards. I felt a blush start on my neck.

She moved to gracefully sit beside me on the park bench.

"My name's Kat; it's short for Katherine. Kat _______."

"Hello. Pleased to meet you," I said.

"Now, would you mind telling me why you are sitting on a park bench, in the middle of _______ Park, at ten' o'clock at night, bawling your eyes out?"

I know it was stupid, but I told her. Not about the Yeerks, of course. She could have been one of them, for all I knew. But I had this instinct that she wasn't. So, I just told her about Rachel. And how she had dumped me.

"Ohh, I'm so sorry," she said. I had fallen horizontally across her lap, sobbing.

"No, I'm sorry," I said, sitting up.

"Well, no problem. But, I know this seems spur-of-the-moment, but would you like to go out with me?" she asked. "You're like no guy I've ever met before; smart, caring, cute, and you're not afraid to cry."

"I'd love to go out with you," I said, grinning like an idiot. It was, like, love at first sight. My heart was thundering in my chest. I couldn't wait.

OK, so I wanted to make Rachel jealous! This would show her; getting a date on the day she dumped me! Besides, I thought it would really be fun to go out with another girl for once. This Kat looked cool.

"OK, here's my phone number. Call me sometime tomorrow."

"I will," I said. then, as Kat got up to leave, she kissed me. On the lips.

I kissed her back, and we finally pulled away at the same time. "Se you tomorrow?" I asked anxiously.

Then she smiled, and I couldn't have been more happy if an angel had come down, made me human with the morphing power, and allowed me to have a real family.

"Of course. See ya!"

Chapter 3 [Cassie]

Tobias stopped by the next day. Cassie, can I use your barn phone? he asked.

"Sure," I said. Why not?

I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard him say "All right, tomorrow night, we'll catch a movie at the Cineplex?"

He hung up. "Tobias, did you just ask a girl out?" I asked him.

He blushed a dull pink. "Yes, I did. I met her last night."

"What about Rachel?" I asked, concerned.

He looked up at me and smiled humorlessly. "She didn't tell you? She dumped me last night."

While I was stunned into speechlessness, Tobias demorphed and left.

ONE WEEK LATER………

Chapter 4 [Rachel]

It was one week later. Jake had called a routine meeting at Cassie's barn. Nothing was up, really. Just a check-in meeting.

Tobias seemed nervous and anxious the entire time.

He hadn't been to visit me since I "dumped" him. That wasn't a good sign.

There's nothing to report, really. he said. Now, Jake, do you have a shirt, pants, and shoes that'll fit me? Something that's fairly in style? he asked.

Jake nodded.

Can I borrow them? he asked.

"Sure," Jake said, baffled.

Thanks, man! 

"Just out of curiosity, Bird-boy, why?" Marco asked.

Because, Marco, not that it's any of your business, but I have a date tonight. 

I'm sure my mouth just about hit the ground. I hope no one noticed the tears welling up in my eyes. Certainly not Tobias.

On that note, the meeting adjourned. 

Cassie had me shovel manure and whatever with her after the meeting, I guess she could see that I was still reeling and that some manual labor might help.

It's actually pretty stupid, really. I guess I had expected Tobias to still be moping around after I had broken up with him.

I asked Ax to pass on the message to Tobias, that I needed to talk to him after he got back from his date.

Ax had swiveled his stalk eyes to look at me, and he said I will certainly try, Rachel. But are you sure he will come, after the way you have treated him? 

I ground my teeth together. _Does the entire world know what happened_? I asked myself.

Then, I mentally kicked myself. _Ax and Tobias are_ shorms, I reminded myself. _Ax was probably the first one Tobias talked to, that night._

"Well, Ax, would you just tell him I want to talk to him?"

Of course, Rachel. 

You needed to talk to me, Rachel? Tobias fluttered in my window.

I turned to face him. I hope there were no tear tracks on my face. 

"Where do you get off getting a girlfriend just to make me P.O.'ed?" I demanded of him.

He rocked back on his talons like I'd slapped him. Excuse me, Rachel, but for your information, I really like Kat! 

It was my turn to rock back on my heels. He continued. She's smart, funny, beautiful. She can instantly see if something is bothering me. 

Now, I know hawk eyes aren't supposed to be able to show emotion, but I swear they were getting a faraway look. And Tobias's tone was dreamy.

She has the nicest ice blue eyes, and her hair! 

He seemed to notice me just then, and snapped out of it. Harshly, he said But that's not the point, Rachel. You're changing the rules, here. 

Here YOU go and dump ME, and then YOU yell at ME because I have gone and- 

"And what, Tobias?" I prompted softly. I had to know, once and for all, what he felt for me.

And I fall in love. Again. And you dumped me, but now you're yelling at me?! Because I found happiness again?! Oh, no, Rachel, you can't do that. 

What did you expect? To have me pining away from you for my entire life? Sorry, Rachel, but NO! 

And he left me. Again.

This time of his own choosing.

Chapter 5 [Tobias]

I flew off, fuming. Where did Rachel get off yelling at me for getting another girlfriend after she dumped me? 

OK, maybe I _did_ go out with Kat for a while, to make Rachel jealous. But, I really did like her! Rachel had _no right_ to judge me the way she did.

It was the next day. Jake had gathered us in Cassie's barn. We were going down to the Yeerk Pool. It was just recon. Trying to ID more Controllers.

We actually went in as humans, to get past the Gleet BioFilter. Once we were in, we morphed to cockroach.

Suddenly-

Prince Jake! We have only five minutes left in morph! Ax yelled.

Demorph! Jake yelled back.

So we demorphed. Unfortunately, we did so right in the middle of a bunch of Hork-Bajir. We had to kill them. They had seen that we were humans.

Suddenly, a Hork-Bajir aimed a Dracon beam at Rachel's unprotected grizzly back. 

Not thinking, just acting on instinct, I plunged into a dive. I grabbed the Dracon beam, on the firing end.

Just as the Hork-Bajir pulled the trigger.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 

Chapter 6 [Rachel]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! 

I turned around just in time to see Tobias taking the full brunt of a Dracon blast.

The blast meant for me.

He was a wreck. Both wings torn off. Most of his feathers were gone. I could see his inside organs through his stomach; his skin and feathers were gone.

TOBAIS!!! NOO!!!! I yelled.

_Who have I been kidding_? I asked myself. _I still love him!_

I grabbed him in one of my grizzly paws, and, uncaring of the Hork-Bajir, took him behind the shed.

Rachel- he said weakly. I never told you- 

Shhh, Tobias. I said, crying inside. Don't try to talk. Just demorph. 

Rachel! I can't. I'm too weak. he said, wheezing.

Rachel----I never told you-------that------I love you. 

I love you, too, Tobias. I said, dying on the inside.

Promise me----promise me that you'll call-----Kat----and tell her--that I--you know. 

I promise. 

Ax-has her number-------promise me! 

I will, Tobias, my love. I will. 

Thank you------my-----------love. 

He stiffened. And, ever so slowly, relaxed.

His breathing stopped.

TOBIAS!!! NOOOO!!!!! 

Chapter 7 [Rachel]

It was a week after….you know.

Anyway, I was calling on a pay phone. I had partway morphed to bear-just enough to obscure my voice.

The phone rang. Someone picked it up.

"Hello. You have reached the ________ residence. How can I help you?"

"Is Kat there?"

"This is she. Why do you need me?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but….your boyfriend, Tobias? He has recently been killed in a car accident."

"What?" the girl sounded faint. Like she couldn't believe it.

"The funeral was yesterday…we would have invited you…had we known sooner that Tobias was seeing you reguarly."

"Well, thank you anway." Kat said. She hung up, but before she did, I could tell she was sobbing. My own heart constricted in pain.

The pain of losing the one I loved. 

Epilogue [Jake]

Rachel was never the same. Yes, she was alive, but, if you looked into her eye, there was something missing. Her eyes, which had once been so bright, were now dull. A spring was missing from her step.

We checked up on Kat from time to time, because we had her phone number. Same went for her. Until, one day, she seemed OK again. I knew, then, that she had been taken by the Yeerks.

Anyway, it was the last battle. Down in the Yeerk Pool. We were fighting to find a weapon, a Projectile Particle Destroyer, the Yeerks called it. We called it the PPD for short.

Using it, the Yeerks could destroy every living being of one particular species, just by programming their cell/chemical balance. 

At least that's what Ax said.

We knew that it was being held in the main Yeerk Pool on Earth thanks to the Chee. The Yeerks were going to use it to destroy the "Andalite bandits". 

No, it wouldn't affect the humans, but it could still kill Ax. And, besides, this was a golden opportunity, to destroy the Yeerks forever!

Oh, yes, we won that battle.

For a price.

We were fighting, when suddenly I heard a " HHHHHUUUUURRRGRHHHH! "

Rachel had been stabbed three times in her grizzly bear's torso, by Hork-Bajir. Snarling, she crawled over to behind a shed. The same one that Tobias had died behind, I remembered.

She knocked down a human-Controller on her way. I believe that the Controller died. I mean, we're not talking a light tap here. We're talking full grizzly muscle behind the blow.

The ironic thing was, the human-Controller was Kat.

Then I saw a sight I will never forget.

Rachel collapsed near where Tobias had died. Almost the exact same spot.

Suddenly, a blue-white mist lifted from her. It coalesced into a bird-of-prey, a red-tailed hawk I realized, as I looked closer. The hawk drifted towards the ceiling, but not before saying Goodbye, Jake. Tell the others I'll miss them. 

Then, it was joined by another hawk, the same shade of blue-white. I knew, at once, that the other hawk was Tobias.

The fused and merged, becoming one, and slowly disappeared from sight.

**THE END**

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